Paris

Say goodbye, these days are gone

And we can't keep holding on

When all we need is some relief

Through these hard times

Oh, there's something missing

Oh, you never feel it but you

Oh, you're gonna feel it

When it's gone, when it's gone

I've been here for just over a week now, and much has happened in a short amount of time. The first few days, I didn't know what I was doing. I felt so lost, so alone. I had never been on my own like this before, and after all I had done, after all I had caused. I found myself struggling to keep my thoughts in check. Everything just ran around my mind like a massive rave party and I wasn't invited. Thoughts, memories, regrets and dreams all combined to make a horrible concoction of love, hate, happiness, sadness, joy and pain. Its like my thoughts decided to take on my being on their own accord and throw me into oblivion.

I've never felt like that before, I didn't know where to start to get things in order. For a few days, I moped about trying to avoid my thoughts. Ignore them and they'll go away right? Umm, nope they don't.

One day, while sitting on my first level balcony, watching the wandering humans below and the rain clouds rolling in, I collected myself. Got everything in order, and moved on. I can't change the past or what I have done. I can only shape my future and refine myself to be the person I know I am, the person I should be. Once I dealt with that, I felt I could communicate with unclouded judgement. I spoke briefly with friends. Andrey popped in quickly to visit me and apologise for taking off like he did. Not that one can blame him for doing it. So we talked and we got over what had happened. Then he enlightened me on his past few days. How he and Helene were able to gain each others powers. Then his "secret" plan, to return to Italy to stay with Bethan, but use this new found invisibility power of is. Regardless of what power he used, he would still be found out. I don't know what has happened since he left Paris and returned to Italy, but I have not heard from either one of them. I do find it amusing, how he goes from one woman to the next and to another whenever something goes wrong. One can not truly trust a heart as such. I wish them all the best, they will always remain two of my closest friends.
After a night of pointless wandering myself, I knew I could not keep this implication of his secret plan to myself. No matter how Andrey sees it, I couldn't become involved in something that has no business to do with me. So I called my dear friend Renata, I knew she would do whats right with the things I told her. If they had any reason to look for Andrey and could not locate him, they would come to me. I would've ended up accountable for his actions, not something I wish to be. So I did the right thing, I distanced myself from something that needn't involve me. Then Helene, stopped by. She seems well surprisingly. I'm not entirely sure of what has happened, Helene got called away in a hurry from Corin. I hope all is well in Volterra and that my friends there are ok. I hope to hear from Helene soon letting me know her family is good and well.

Here I am again, sitting at my favourite window, overlooking the city. Another cloudy day, the weather has been very favourable of late. I will stay in today though, I had a very satisfying meal at The Louvre last night and I'm sure the stores need to restock after my last visit. Oh dear Paris, a favourite city of mine. I will venture out onto your streets again soon. For now, I am going to become a mindless couch potato and catch up on some sports. I am eagerly awaiting F1 Silverstone this weekend. For now, even a replay of a baseball game will satisfy me.